


Tsukumoya Shinichi's turn!

by itsnotlove



Series: I adore you [8]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Confusion, Denial of Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, Overthinking, Post Ketsu, Rambling, honestly this sort of story is worse than the porn, i hate these two but this is just sad D:, post volume 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 04:53:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8564794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotlove/pseuds/itsnotlove
Summary: Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn! 
       Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!    Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!    Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!    Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!    Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pixietails](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixietails/gifts).



To love, and to love fiercely, must be a rather strange experience. It was something that Tsukumoya couldn’t comprehend, at least in the romantic sense, despite his thorough research.

 

What was it to love? What a ridiculous question. Tsukumoya didn’t really deserve to find out after uttering such a cliche question to himself. There were other ways to consider the question that would yield more results.

 

For example, what was the difference between romantic and familial love? Romantic love could become sexual, though that wasn’t necessarily a given. But was it the potential that made it different to familial love?

 

Ah, but familial love seemed to come in different strains. With how complex and often overwhelming he’d heard it to be, then one couldn’t rule out sexual or romantic attraction developing (though it would be preferable for this to happen between partners who aren’t related).

 

But if familial love between non-related persons can develop into romantic or sexual love and attraction, then was it ever familial love to begin with? Could it be that it simply laid in wait, disguising itself as something innocuous, until it deemed the time right to launch its attack on its wielders heart?

 

Wouldn’t that be dishonest? Cruel, perhaps- but cruel to whom?

 

If the owner of the camouflaged love were unaware of it, wouldn’t they be caught off-guard more than the one they loved? Surely they would be the true victims, especially when you consider just how oblivious they must be to ignore it.

 

How large would that person’s ego need to be in order to hide their true feelings behind it? It was laughable, really. To think that anyone could be caught so short when it came to their own feelings… they’d truly deserve the surprise.

 

That thought was followed by another, admittedly colder one: _It’s a good thing that I chose not to love freely._

 

Cold, but accurate, the statement bounced off the walls of Tsukumoya’s skull, repeating themselves over and over as he closed his eyes. He considered Orihara, and the way he’d decided to spread his love over a great many people, rather than handing it to a single person.

 

It seemed to be clever, though in reality, it was shortsighted and absurd.

 

To love one would make it easier to love all, but to love everyone would make it far easier to love only one. Regardless of any attempts to the contrary, to start with any sort of baseline would only make it easier to cross over into dangerous territory.

 

It was better to be fascinated and curious, but not loved up and stupid. If only he practiced a little more caution with whom he loved, then perhaps he’d feel less inclined to poke and prod. That, in turn, would save him from making others want to poke and prod him back, and perhaps he’d actually be safe.

 

Ridiculous.

 

Safety was boring for those who were searching.

 

Ah, that man was a fool, though a thoroughly entertaining one.

 

-was it possible he felt love for Tsukumoya also?

 

Such an intrusive and awful thought. Really, it deserves no attention, and should be forgotten immediately.

 

Information shouldn’t be discarded, but when it’s something disgusting and utterly useless- well, there’s no use for it, because it’s disgusting.

 

Awful.

 

Abhorrent.

 

Intriguing, but only due to how disturbing it was.

 

The love that Orihara could feel was something akin to fear, so it was hardly any sort of love to begin with. It came from a desperate need to stave off any human reaction, which mixed with the longing for affection. When you consider a glare to be sweet, it certainly makes it easier to feel adored.

 

In any case, it was all irrelevant. There was no way Izaya knew what species Tsukumoya was, and even if he were human (though he isn’t going to let you know- not even in his thoughts), he might fall into that very special category.

 

He mightn’t be as hated as Shizuo, but that would still be fine. To be different- set apart from the masses and given his own space to live inside of Izaya’s mind- that would be the ideal.

 

Not that Orihara occupied any special place in Tsukumoya’s mind, let alone his heart.

 

Ridiculous.

 

Laughable, really.

 

Orihara was merely a kohai, desperate to realise his own potential whilst being swallowed by his ambition and impatience.

 

Tsukumoya felt no love for him, though he couldn’t deny a fondness. It wasn’t often that he continued corresponding with a single person, and even rarer for him to look forward to it. To find another soul who was as inquisitive and single-minded, well, it wasn’t common. It would have been foolish to ignore their similarities.

 

There’d been nothing to fear, so there was no need for caution. Even if there were a baseline that started with his fondness, it wasn’t as though Tsukumoya wouldn’t know his own feelings.

 

No, things were fine as they were, or as fine as they could be.

 

It had been several months since Izaya’s last visit to the chatroom. Of course, he wasn’t able to move his fingers for much of that time, but even after his recovery, he never visited.

 

How strange it was to sit in the designated room and watch as his own name flicked along the screen, with no other to fill in the gaps. It was almost- _almost_ \- lonely (or rather, not at all lonely, as things were fine. However, if this were to happen to someone else, then they would feel lonely. But not Tsukumoya- he feels no love for any human in particular).

 

**Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

 

Something strange moved inside of Tsukumoya once the text flashed against the screen. It was almost painful to see, and it stilled him instantly.

 

Patiently, he waited for a message.

 

A curse?

 

A letter.

 

Any response at all.

 

Ah-

 

Had he been thinking too hard about his playmate?

 

~~**Orihara Izaya, reborn!** ~~

 

To add the text when Izaya hadn’t even entered the chatroom. Really, what was that?

 

[...]

 

No, Tsukumoya didn’t love, and he didn’t long for anyone. He couldn’t feel lonely when he was surrounded by so much information. Anything he was feeling was something he wasn’t feeling, as he didn’t feel, and therefore felt nothing.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

If only Izaya would hurry himself up and return to the chat, Tsukumoya could feel even less than he does now.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry.


End file.
